The Thunder...My Daughter and Autism

Visit me today at http://www.titus2atthewell.com/ and read my guest post about my little girl Ruthie and our ongoing fight over the challenges of Autism.

Rest O My Soul

I sit at my kitchen table with my hands clasped around my warm mug full of fresh brewed blueberry coffee. The steam billows beneath my nose as I gaze out the bay windows of my kitchen to the gorgeous trees whose leaves have changed to golden hues. My Bible lays open in front of me to Psalm 116:7…

“Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you.”

Thank you Lord for,

the peace you bring,

the love you give,

the mercy you bestow.

Through the good,

through the bad,

life lessons learned,

as you guided,

this sometimes wayward soul.

You fill my cup,

with an everlasting joy,

of heavenly proportions.

No matter what circumstance

I may face,

on any given day,

I know I am loved,

by my Abba!

Amen.

Wisdom not Folly

Dear Lord

Help me not live my life in folly,

but let my entire life and everything I do,

revolve around you,

just as the earth revolves around the sun.

I don't want to live my life my way,

but your way,

following the plan you designed for me,

when you formed me in my mother's womb.

I don't want just a "spiritual" catagory

in my everday walk,

but I desire my entire self,

and all I do to be centered on You!

Let me always ask the question,

"What pleases You!"

I want to always "check with you"

with every decision I make

every word of utterance from my lips.

Please make my life a living sacrafice...

holy and acceptable to you!"

Love,

Your child

I cling to my Lord,
Not understanding His plan,
Why not the truth?
Not a word spoken,
I sit quietly,
Knowing the battle is not mine,
Heart beats sadness,
Heat beats disappointment,
Heat beats pain.
I want to run,
Run into my Abba’s arms,
I want to hide forever,
Between the hems of His robe.
His arms are the safest place,
As I seek His face and not His hand,
Hold me up in the honesty I have spoken,
So the truth would be revealed.

The stature of my body is low with my shoulders hunched down. I find myself day dreaming away into sadness where joy goes missing. I think, to be busy, is the best solution...if I don't have time to think I won't be sad. But why sad? I ask myself. I have a good life.

I sit on the patio and thoroughly enjoy the beautiful colors in the newly planted flowers. I listen to the birds chirp and sing from the tress. I feel the cool crisp air against my cheeks. But my annoying friend, sadness, will not release it's grip from my mind. I miss friends from Iowa and Indiana. I long for my mother's love. I wish the Lord would just come back sooner rather than later to put sadness in its place forevermore!

And then I'm reminded of a verse, Philippians 4:8,

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things."

Tears flooded my eyes and streamed down my cheeks. I cried out to my Lord in prayer as David did so many times...

O Father rid me of my own wretched downcast spirit. Lift my eyes up to where the Son is found and not below to the pits of hell. Fill my cup with unspeakable joy that only the sound of laughter would be heard from my lips. Let the afflictions of my heart be tossed to sea. Those who have hurt me with idle talk, not knowing my past or present circumstance, forgive them my Lord and show them the hurt they have caused so healing may begin. Help me Lord not to sin against myself, your creation made in the image of You, in slandering myself to unworthiness. Help to always know and realize I am loved by the great I Am because the one who is in me is greater than the one who is in the world (I John 4:4). Do not let my heart be troubled, but let me rest in the peace of thy mighty hand for I am the one whom Jesus loves!

~Amen